penultimate email. This was right after I received the cancellation. I can’t even read it.

Dear Richard,

I am heartbroken.  You are one of my three favorite philosophers (in addition to Lear and Charles Taylor).  I am so hurt. I am also ashamed that you feel that I didn't care on the discussion with the proper comportment. 

Just a couple comments for clarity.  First, I didn't originally--and I still don't--think the "principle of constancy" is an important part of your paper.  I really think the best parts are about Proust and especially the python. That is truly profound. I only spent the weekend on Freud because you said you thought it was important.  I still don't understand why you think it is important.  I was following your direction.  

Second, my excitement was not disrespectful.  My excitement was that I was actually carrying on a discussion with Richard Moran.  I think what you say makes a huge difference, and I was so excited to think I was helping you. 

Third, I did see that I made the mistake about Laplanche and Pontalis.  But my quotes were from your paper--not Laplanche and Pontalis.  And I went back and forth whether to acknowledge my mistake. I certainly wrote out "I can't believe I missed that." But it may not have survived my editing of the emails.  I literally went line by line entirely through your discussion of Freud.  Not because I wanted to, but because you said you thought it was important.

I mentioned the anger thing because I think it is interesting.  That is, it is interesting what emotions motivate one.  But I was not feeling angry when I was writing.  I was--embarrassing but true--actually fantasizing that you would be so happy to receive these comments!  I was fantasizing that you would thank me for comments!  (Uggh)

Is there any chance you would reconsider?  Could we simply talk without recording it for the podcast?  Or only talk about Proust?  I am heartbroken.

Sincerely,

August

Of course Moran didn’t reply to that one. Here was the last one:

I've prepared for 79 interviews. You are the fourth to drop out just prior to the interview. But your dropping out was far more hurtful than the others. I can now see the wisdom in the other three who claimed that their aunt was sick, or they forgot about a trip they had to take.

I really am just ashamed and heartbroken. I did all that work on your papers, and now I am getting canceled? It is very, very hurtful.

In ice hockey, I used to tell my kids they can challenge their coach, but they should never challenge the guy who runs the Zamboni. It is just common sense to be kind to people far beneath you on the social hierarchy. You are a famous professor, and I am a lonely podcaster. You have a lot of chutzpah to cancel me like that.

To cancel me and to do so while shaming me. For supposedly being too emotional. You give me the silent treatment, refusing to speak to me for just one hour. Man that is so insulting. I find it very difficult to take.

I will continue my work on your papers, but I will no longer be emailing them to you. From now on, you can see my comments here:

https://www.richardmoranreport.com/

I am so hurt by this.

August